Yurg!

First, a few scenes from around the house on Sunday.

Week of May 5, 2013:

Sunday: Long run (40 minutes) + Short bike ride

Monday: Bike ride to HEB for foods

Tuesday: Short evening run (20 minutes)

Wednesday: Short evening run (25 minutes)

Thursday: Half a bike ride commute (so much rain that night!)

Friday: Half a bike ride commute home + feeling sick :-(

Saturday: Another bike ride to HEB for edibles + evening walk with Paul…and still feeling sick! :-(

Total minutes run this week: 85.

I really tried to be better this week about logging my pre-marathon training miles, but then, THEN I got sick.  Dammit!  I’m still sick today, but nonetheless, I got my butt back on the road yesterday by modifying my run into a Galloway-style 2:1 run:walk ratio.  Translation: 2 minutes of running followed by 1 minute of walking.  Repeat until I’ve run a total of 22 minutes.

Yesterday Kate posted a +/- list, and I think that sounds like an excellent way to capture what’s happening over here too.  My list may be a bit more muddled because not everything fits neatly into the + or the – category, so I’m going to do a bit of a brain dump and hope that I don’t put my foots into my moufs by saying anything I shouldn’t reveal.

First, the minuses:

{-}: Being sick.  Obviously. 

{-}: Talking to other people about my employment status.  People don’t seem to understand how very desperate I am for some time off.  They also don’t understand how tired I am of thinking about my job ALL THE TIME.  They also start to get anxious when it becomes clear that I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do next.  Dude, it is NOT MY JOB to make you feel better about my situation! 

{-}: I am feeling really time-starved these days, but I think it’s a bit of an illusion.  The truth is that I’m feeling depressed about these last few weeks in my current job.  I’m sad that things didn’t work out, that I didn’t get research funding for my project, and now I don’t even have a publishable story.  My depression is lowering my energy level, which makes me feel like I’m not getting anything done.  I’m also feeling a bit numb in general—about work, about commitments.  I’m hoping that I’ll snap out of it soon, especially once I’ve wrapped things up with my current job.  (And see below for the + side of this issue.) 

{-}: I wish I had more time to blog.  Seriously.  So many ideas, and yet time is like grains of sand in my palm.  It’s frustrating.

Now, some +s!

{+}: Paul has been really, really great about being supportive of me during this job transition time.  And he said something to me the other day which really hit home.  He pointed out that despite my trying to make logical sense of what’s happened to me during my postdoc years, I’m allowed to be upset about it.  I’m allowed to be mad, or sad, or to feel like I just want to get away from it for a while.  In order to survive the disappointment, I’ve been feeling rather stoic, and I think that’s left me feeling numb.  And maybe the only way to reverse the numbness is to feel all my feels, even if that means I become even more prone to random tears.

{+}: Speaking of Paul, he and I had a really nice weekend together.  We played mahjong with his friends, ate Indian food with his sister, took an evening walk around his neighborhood, and watched Shop Girl.  Oh, and I spent plenty of time petting his cat, who tolerates me.

{+}: I got a conditional job offer yesterday, which stunned me so much that I don’t even know how I feel about it yet.  I think I’m excited, but it is conditional, so I’m going to suspend judgment until I get a firm offer.

{+}: I should save this for my food blog, but it was so delicious I’m going to tell you about it now.  I made a strawberry-lemon cocktail that I want to drink all spring long.  The how-to: dissolve 1 tablespoon of sugar in a bit of water (heat together in a little saucepan until the sugar dissolves to make a simple syrup).  Meanwhile, chop four strawberries and put them in a tall glass with 2 tablespoons of fresh lemon juice.  Pour your sugar water over the strawberries and let everything sit for a little while—maybe 10 minutes?  Then add a generous slug of rum, some ice cubes, and top with bubbly water.  Stir and drink, and eat the strawberries, which by now have been infused with lemon-sugary goodness.  Yum!

{+}: Last night I drank my cocktail while Skyping with an old college friend, and it was so good to catch up with her.  Love!

There’s something so nice about ending a +/- list on a good note, don’t you think?  I feel better!

Have a great week, darlings!  I might spend the rest of my runs this week using the Galloway method, but hey, whatever gets the miles done, right?